"In America"

Oh, don't expect any kind of movie review here. I just bawled my way through it. I'm Irish to my bone marrow and a bleeding heart as well. Could I cry more--could I waste half a box of anti viral Kleenex more? I've painted crappy places and put on happy faces for kids and watched as people I love die and people I don't love get richer and meaner. I've been Irish. I complain. I'm as black an Irish as there is. Can't you tell? Haven't you read this blog? Could I complain more? I'm Irish. And I've just bawled through "In America". For God's sake rent it and weep! The O'Begley's daughter in modern America. I'm still painting crappy places and putting on smiling faces and I'm going to be 60 in a very few weeks. You don't stop being Irish. And I'm still --here.

I can't sleep

It seems to me that a great deal of important things are happening and I can't do much about them. I can't change teenage angst and snottiness and pimples and fears, and you'd think with all the experience I have in that I could do something. But all I can do is keep the lid on, the roof up, the acne cleansers paid for and remind them I am proud and here for them----after I blow my lid, raise the roof and really scream--about the snottiness. I can't STAND the snottiness. Don't give me that "growing up and growing away to be independent blah blah blah" crap. They are rude. To each other, to us if under their breath and as they leave the room. I hate that. Probably because I DO have experience with it already. I'm tired of it already.

Okay--that is the stuff I'm worrying over under my own roof--now other things. I hate our voting system. It is unfair beyond belief. It has always been unfair as long as I have been alive. We no longer have our news delivered by horseback. Not even back when I was born. We even had TV back then! Why must we go by this horrid electoral college stuff! We have advanced! We have improved! We have telephones, TV and computers and internet and I think we could find a way to really do one person one vote! It is so unfair that Nebraska--because it is considered a Republican state will totallyignore my Democratic vote and all others and only a Republican will be voted for in November. Not FAIR! Not Free! NOT DEMOCRATIC!

But--I can do nothing but vote at the caucus--and I'm bringing cookies--vote in November despite the futility of it and hope my snotty teenagers will notice how important this is (really far more important than their fighting over what song is playing on the computer) and be involved and EVOLVED voters who will carry on trying to get a fair system in place for all voters! WE SHOULD ALL COUNT! WE SHOULD ALL MATTER! So I'm up late because it upsets me.

And--I've been given a job I can't do. I've worked at it and worked at it and everything I have done is wrong and I'm going to have to ask for help tomorrow and I feel badly and so I can't sleep.

I'm not sure of the order of all that but it all matters to me and it all makes me sleepless, and it's snowing here but little bits of green are sticking up on the sunny side of the house garden area--probably crocus and jonquils and tulips. It is 20 degrrees and Spring insists on sticking its nose up and breathing anyway. Thank God.