Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Changes

I got fired two days before Thanksgiving.

I am to blame. I lost my cool--although I have to say I thought the guy was off the phone--had hung up--when I said under my breath something I would never have said if it hadn't been such a bad day-- and I'm ashamed of it. Actually not long after the incident I went home in tears because I just couldn't take being called names anymore. They fired me the next day. And I was glad. I'm sixty years old. I really don't think a 60 year old woman ought to be forced to listen as people call her every nasty name in the book just because they couldn't pay their electric bill and got disconnected. I don't call anyone names when I get disconnected. And I've been disconnected a number of times in my 60 years. Believe me--I never once called the person on the other end of the line a name. My anger was reserved for myself and myself alone.

I have worked in customer service for over 20 years. When I began no one would have dreamed of calling me names. It was truly customer service and people just didn't do that often. In the 90's it changed. Men began to call names and by the end of 1999 women were ruder than the men. I mean I've watched it go from only creeps with no self control calling you a name when they don't get what they want to every Jack and Jill having breakdowns and finding new and more disgusting words to call you at customer service. I have worked for companies where you did NOT have to take it. They felt that their employees deserved to be treated civilized and decently. And I've worked for companies that say you'll take it. I don't work for them very long.

But this one is a record.

However--

It was that company's (the agency that works for the electric company answering phones)policy-you were not allowed to say anything or do anything about swearing and name calling. "We pay you to take it." Well--I won't take it I guess. At least not for $9.00 an hour and insurance.

Actually I can't think of an amount I would take to spend my eight hours of work being called names.

I shouldn't have said what I did.
And it was bad. Really bad even if it was in a whisper and I thought he was long gone. But he heard me.

You see--he hadn't paid his bill--three months and nine notices --it was over $1300.00. It was a business account. And his business was out of business without the electricity
He was Middle Eastern, heavy accent, screaming at me and swearing and calling me woman hating names and it wasn't the first call like that that day --by no means was it the first like that that day. Woman hating names, he called me.

And after I got his money and stated thank you for calling -----------I waited and started writing my notes on the account screen and when I was done I thought he was gone--but noooooo--I whispered something the Homeland Security people would have had a hey-day with--something to do with --oh--racial-- security harming and well--the company could be sued--unless he is one--but hey! he heard me!

So they fired me. I could have called him any number of other things that would fit him quite well, but I chose one that scared the dickens out of the company. Which is from England by the way.
But if Homeland Security WAS listening to this Middle Eastern, woman hating creeps phone calls--maybe they should look in to him. He works with water pumps for city water tanks. Think about it.

So if anybody is offended and thinks I'm horrible--go with that cause getting fired was exactly what I should have happen to me for such a stupid loss of temper.

But nobody has called me names in weeks and I finally feel clean.

I'll live.
And I swear if my power gets turned off I won't swear at the woman who answers the phone. In fact she may even think I'm nuts--I'll be laughing.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Our Halloween







First! NEBRASKA GAVE ONE ELECTORAL VOTE TO OBAMA! HISTORY IS MADE IN MIDDLE AMERICA!

Now--the girls decorated for Halloween and they had a great time at a dance and even going to get candy door to door (I've told them they are too old, but the teens here all still go door to door). I thought they looked darling. Some thought they were too sexy. I guess I think of the costumes as being like their dance costumes--only better.
Headless pumpkin man is made from my foot surgery shoes and hubbys old work clothes. At night the pumpkin head lights up--it is so cool. And the girls put spider webby stuff up and plastic bags filled with crumbled paper to look like ghosts. I'm not a big fan of Halloween, but they had a great time and we had more kids than ever come to the door. I'm a fan of the little ones, though. The little bumble bees and pumpkins and pea in a pod and teddy bears in mom or dad's arms. They have no idea what is going on, but they love the smiles and happy faces looking at them. Of course that is all a baby should see, just happiness and loving adoring faces smiling at them. How I wish I could make that happen for every child. One of those wishes that is too big for my brain and too painful for my heart.

Oh well--the girls looked great. They had a wonderful time and they were good kids. I was proud (Oh and they were on the honor roll again, too).

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

OBAMA IS PRESIDENT ELECT

Pigs do fly, hell does freeze over and the bear does #$%^ in the woods. A White/Black man is President of the United States. There is a God, at least I think so.

But Nebraska did not pull it out of their--well--it went Republican and my little vote didn't matter.

Oh well, it FEELS like it mattered. I'm happy today. I cried 4 years ago. Sobbed that night. I couldn't believe it 8 years ago and cried then too. Today and last night I laughed. Oprah wept, Jesse Jackson wept, some tv people wept, I laughed. I am elated. I am sky high with the sheer bloody joy of it. America is not the racist, war mongering, money only belongs to the rich and screw the poor and hard working every man. Nor are we the joke Sara Palin and John McCain tried to make out we were characterizations, jokes, I felt, to them and it was belittling to be called Joe the Plumber ,and Barney the Clown--And only someone smarmy would not see it. They were smarmy. Barrack was knowledgeable, wise, and never talking down even though he could discern the reasoning of mid America.

Still--Nebraska voted Republican. I don't have numbers yet-but I still bet it will be the largest Democratic turn out in decades.
I'm quite proud.

But the cutie pie did not make it as a Democrat Senator. Oh well--try again KLEEB FOR SENATE!!2011

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Voting is Fundamental!

My husband and I voted this morning at the elementary school gym three blocks from our house. The women at the desk were all friends of ours from church, piano tunings or the library. In other words we didn't need to tell them who we were or even tell our party affiliation, they all knew. The voting is secret, pencil marks in ovals that get put into a case that is dumped into a box to be counted later. But everybody knew who we voted for. The signs in the yard everyone passes every day told them that. And not one of them was anything but sweet and kind and I am so surprised. The signs stayed put in the yard, even on Halloween. The city has not given us any kind of backhand for daring to be Democrats. Yet.

We went out to eat at a converted train depot and the regulars were having a joke fest. One said he couldn't wait until Pimp My Ride drove up to the White House to Pimp out Air Force One. Everyone laughed. I even laughed --but I was laughing because these farmers and lawn care specialists and insurance salesmen were joking about the outcome--and they expected it to be Obama. Regardless of the snide, low joke-they fully expected him to win. I had my laugh because I expected to hear John MCCain and Sara Palin leading the world jokes but no--it was all Obama.

It made me happy. Nebraska splits the electoral vote . Only Nebraska and Maine do this. The Republicans are all over this wanting to change the law. The Democrats are all over this, wanting the law to stay the same. Nebraska never matters to elections. My vote has never matterd but the one time in 1968. Never. Not since 1968 did we matter. My Democrat vote was as if the Republican wind had taken it and blown it away. (In Colorado too) Our one electoral vote for a Democrat makes a difference this time.My vote makes a difference. I hope every one capable makes their vote count. Aren't we lucky? We were born here.

I pray it really does make a difference.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Blog Blog Blog

Having a blog can make you feel guilty for living such a mundane life. Yesterday was about as mundane as it could get.I got up.I got a latte at Jax's. I went to work. I pissed off somebody about their bill. I made someone bless me about their bill. I went to Culver's and had a deep fat fried everything.I went home. The girls were gone, one working, one with her friend. Phil was watching TV and no one had fed the cats or cleaned the cat box or done the dishes or ironed or vacuumed or picked up or cooked or anything at all. So I went to bed. Go with the flow.

I should have titled this Blah Blah Blah.

There is a web site call Second Life. You can go there and make an avatar.A cartoon person you want to be. You can pick your body, eyes, hair,career or lack there of, fame and fortune are all chosen by you. But then you have to pay for it with their money and to pay for their money you have to use real money so your avatar becomes just another bill in your boring life. You may become a rock star or porno Queen or a fashion fiend in your Second life, but your first life is paying for it. You have to pay rent or buy land and then pay to build on it and you have to pay for clothes and everything else. I'm appalled. I'd call that place God's way of saying you have either way too much money or way to little life. Even my mundane life only costs what I earn, why on earth would I want to pay for another life as well? Should anyone actually read this--I'd be interested to know what you think about an avatar, real money buying fake money and true life versus Second Life.
PS--the only thing I really loved about that site was the scenery--like out of that Robin Williams movie where his wife committed suicide and he went to her hell to put her back in their perfect heaven.Can't think of the name of that movie, but wow--the scenery was to die for.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Adventure

Our huge cat, 30 lbs at least, Dockie escaped the house yesterday. Nobody knows how and the when is in doubt but when my husband went out the kitchen door in early evening the big old moving ottoman trundled from between the garage and the funeral home screeching at him and telling him what a lousy owner he is for letting her face the big old world alone. She is good at that. Better than a teenager in whining, meaner than a fishwife shrew at nagging, Dockie the part siamese/part puma had an adventure and she wasn't going to let us forget it. She threw up. A lot. Then she got on the bed this morning-only the cat god knows how-and threw up on the quilt. Then she curled up in a ball on the floor right where hubby puts his feet down so he'd step on her when he got up and she could complain some more.

Sounds like some people I know.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Green Green Green

Driving in to work is actually a pleasure. I drive about 12 miles, most of it at 65 miles per hour.It took longer to get to my job in Denver that was only 5 miles away but start and stop and 35 mph. I drive along with a view of the Bluffs that is the best you can get and the farmland that is -thanks to irrigation-the best you can get. When I lived here as a kid the entire end of the state was brown. Just brown. There was cattle, and some wheat and beans along the river, and oil and missle silos, but green seldom happened except in the little towns. Of course when I lived here there was no interstate so eveyone had to drive thorough the beautiful little green towns and get that wonderful feeling of restful green between brown.

When irrigation came-actually the year I graduated from high school-it changed everything. I used to fly over Nebraska a lot and I watched from the air the round circles of green show up that had never been there before-a central pedestal going around in a circle-wasted a lot of ground between circles-but stunning from the air. Nobody does circle here anymore-far more advanced. The valley in front of the Bluffs is green green green.

And every year the water board struggles to get enough water for everybody.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Beautiful

This is a stunning time in Western Nebraska--I'm crazy for the wonderful fulsome air crisp yet heavy, and the general sense of everything on the ground putting forth it's best last effort and flowers and grass and fields and lawns are dressed to the fullest blowsy overdone sexy woman mother earth hues.

In spite of ethanol ruining the vast magnificent 8 ft tall sunflower fields, volunteer sunflowers are in bloom everywhere. Alongside all roads, in cracks of tar and cement-they follow the sun and give off an aroma that can only be called "birdseed sunflower yellow". There are low lying corn fields with dew clouds hanging over them and the few cottonwood trees that follow the Platte look like elegant floating plants in a massive pond of white mist. The Bluffs which look like a city skyline needing only lights to make it so loom into sky so incredibly blue you can't believe you can't find that color at a paint store.

In spite of Republicans everywhere--Nebraska is beautiful.

Really--really SPITE

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Life Changes

At work I take calls all day from people in Texas--good thing they don't read this because they think I'm "North Of Dallas" which --technically and realistically-- I am--a long way North of Dallas. This week the calls have been heartbreaking. Their lives have disappeared.Where there was a home and trees and flowers and memories there is now timber and iron looking like jackstraws and pick up sticks.But all the tears I'm hearing are getting to me. I cried when I got home yesterday. It is so horrible to hear it in the context I hear it. They are desperate and I am only slightly able to help (I do all I am allowed).Today an invalid woman was telling me how they thanked God thier power was only off for 4 days.And following that call a woman called from another state to say to cancel their accounts their house in Galveston doesn't exist anymore. They had beach home. Now there is just beach.

It makes my worries so tend-able. So easy--so who are you kidding wih this list of piddly crap?God has BIG THINGS TO TAKE CARE OF!

I wonder if Rappers and football players ever make that realization?

God has bigger things, he may take care of birds in the field and the lilies but the real thing about that is birds take care of themselves and flowers have gardeners and his time is spent on bigger needs.We should be able to handle things ourselves.

I'm sure someone will disagree, but no one will see this--so screw 'em.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Taking a deep breath

I have a new job. I really wanted this job.I have applied many times to this place over the last three years and finally got the call, did the training on the computer and had my first two weeks answering calls. Now--why the hell did I want this job? Oh--money and insurance and getting out of the house and feeling better and the girls are older and and and---I'm exhausted and I've already got a cold and oh man, why did I want this job anyway.

I can do this job--although the next six weeks are 6:30 am to 3:30 pm--deep breath-- and I'm a far happier person at 3:30 pm until 11 pm but that is my schedule. I have to get up at 5am. I can't even see at 5 am. I can't even feel my body at 5am. Oh well. I've already had a ball spending my first couple of paychecks.

I have some great character names, and great titles for books, I just can't actually sit down and write them yet--a few more months actually working at a job ought to get me over that crap though. I haven't been to church in 6 weeks because I've been too exhausted. I haven't done anything other than iron and read in the last six weeks. I've taken massive amounts of vitamins but I'm really tired.

I want to go to the Neb Democrats meeting Sunday--I went to the convention and it was great. I'm worried to death about the Sarah Palin out of left field choice--he only did that because Obama didn't choose Hillary and while I cringed at Obama's choice I thought he --Biden--was at least the same calibre as the rich Mormon McCain was sure to choose--and then McCain chooses this --flake. BUT She's A WOMAN! What part of A BLACK AND A WOMAN TICKET BEING A CAN'T LOSE TICKET DID OBAMA NOT UNDERSTAND?

Locally--Scott Kleeb is running for Senate and he is a powerful speaker and has wonderful ideas and he's a HUNK. Oops--I mean he will be a great benefit to our farming community since he grew up on a farm here and is a HUNK. Oops.I hate saying such sexist things really--but on my--he is a hunk. I have an Obama tee shirt (the TIME cover) and a Kleeb tee shirt. And Obama signs and Kleeb signs I'll put in the window on voting day but not sooner--this is not a very kind place to democrats.

I've got to make hundreds of Christmas cards again--and I only have after work time to do it and Phil wants the dining room table taken down so we can put a Grand Piano in the dining room to sell--oh well. I'll make them on the bed if I have too--a little glitter in bed can't hurt. (Glue maybe--but not glitter,surely).

I know no one is looking at these, but it makes me feel all warm to know I actually had the time to sit down and write it.

I've read some wonderful books THE GUERNSEY LITERARY AND POTATO PEEL PIE SOCIETY is delicious love story in every way, and then THE LITTLE BOOK which took the author since 1974 to write (thereby giving hope to all writers who say 'one of these days') is a gem of social comment for this day and age only it takes place mostly in 1900's Vienna. A time travel that makes me love that genre even more. And lots of good mysteries and one about Mary Magdalene that made me laugh and think (okay--it's not a mystery-but a fictionalized account that says Mary became a boy and was the Apostle John actually --too too fun).

I didn't make my church group meeting--I was too sick--so I've been elected President again.
They never learn

OH! I forgot--we did take a Saturday to make a small excursion to the Agate Fossil Beds National Park! It was so absolutely wonderful--these coil, spiral shaped things they found that one man thought were some pre history tree roots but ended up being the holes of prehistoric prarie dogs--wild! And the bones--fossils--just laying there in the dirt! And we got a cookbook at the gift shop and I started reading it only to find out it was written by the woman who wrote NOTHING TO DO BUT STAY and THE WEDDING DRESS which I have on my book shelves! It is Pioneer cooking--wonderful stuff--I actually found out the beef stew I make is the pioneer Irish Stew--right down to putting the meat in a paper bag to shake with flour and seasoning!

Okay--long enough--especially since no one reads this anyway.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Readers Digest Version Of Summer

Annie was chosen to make a trip with a band to Europe next summer and she got a good job and begged for money from people and it looks like she'll be able to come up with the $6000+ FOR THE TRIP.
Alyssa is jealous, won't even try to get a job and manages to get money out of friends and Annie all the time. I'm truly surprised--I really thought the oldest would work and save money and the youngest would never make it. I'm agog.
They didn't go swimming much--teenagers get so blase--or is it just stupid?
Phil was sick most of the summer,and I finally--FINALLY--got a full time job just as school starts.

Life is good
but not perfect.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Rough

This has been a very hard four weeks or so. My husband has had a very bad scare and the girls and I, too. It started out ---well like everybody with kids--one was sick and throwing up and vomiting so much she couldn't even catch a breath and so he took her to the emergency room that night--and they sent them back saying stomach flu. We KNEW that. Any way--she got worse much worse quickly so this time I went back with her to the ER and Phil stayed home and cleaned up the mess by washing the sheets and clothes and that involved going up the stairs to her attic bedroom and going down stairs to the laundry room--several times. Then he came to the ER as well. They gave her an IV and put in stuff to stop the vomiting and diarrhea. We went home at 7AM the next day. Phil had an appointment for his blood pressure and he said he didn't feel like going and besides he'd sprained his ankle--and indeed the whole foot was horribly swollen. But he changed his mind and went. And they took him immediately to the hospital, and immediately to surgery for a massive blood clot in his leg. A good thirty inches of clogged whatever--almost to the vena cava. It had been throwing off little bits for months--maybe years--and making him cough a lot--he felt like he was just clearing his chest--but that isn't what it was.

The surgery took about five hours. My friend and pastor sat with me though the whole thing. The waiting room had a huge glassed in area of live birds. We watched the birds and talked and talked and she knit and I paced and finally the Dr. came out and said his foot may never stop being swollen but he now has a sort of umbrella shaped thing in his vena cava that will stop the little or big pieces from entering his lungs or heart or brain.

I went home and cried and cried. I couldn't sleep. I nearly lost the man who had made life bearable--made life funny and taken care of me and my kids and my kids kids for twenty eight years! Next morning I was there as soon as I could get there leaving the oldest to take care of the youngest, I visited with him for a few minutes but I felt horrible so I said I'll go home and rest but on the trip back to our town I passed out and the car went off the road and I called 911. They came and I'd thrown up all over and I told them I'm diabetic and they took my blood--my blood sugar was horribly low I refused to go to the hospital so they gave me a horrid sugary drink--took my blood sugar again and left. I barely got home before I threw up again. I was so sick, and my youngest was so sick and I talked to Phil and he was vomiting and had diarrhea and then the girls called the 911 again because they couldn't get me to respond and I was taken to ER and given an IV and stuff to stop the vomiting and so on--and got home again just when the oldest got sick.

It wasn't flu--it was food poisoning.

Oh--and our toilet broke and we had no toilet for many hours until a new one got put in.

So anyway--here we are-- a month from all that---thinking life is great and good and damned if my husband didn't go for his final check up and the sonogram showed the leg has a gigantic blood clot again. Despite taking the non clotting medication--he has another surgery on March 26th.

I have spent a great deal of time praying and pleading and hoping and wishing for every thing to go well for just a while--you know--just a break from crap. But no.


Even my pastor who is also my best friend can't believe the stuff we go through.
I'm just telling ONE thing that happened. You wouldn't believe the ALL of it.

I oughta write a book--but who'd believe it?

Thursday, February 7, 2008

"In America"

Oh, don't expect any kind of movie review here. I just bawled my way through it. I'm Irish to my bone marrow and a bleeding heart as well. Could I cry more--could I waste half a box of anti viral Kleenex more? I've painted crappy places and put on happy faces for kids and watched as people I love die and people I don't love get richer and meaner. I've been Irish. I complain. I'm as black an Irish as there is. Can't you tell? Haven't you read this blog? Could I complain more? I'm Irish. And I've just bawled through "In America". For God's sake rent it and weep! The O'Begley's daughter in modern America. I'm still painting crappy places and putting on smiling faces and I'm going to be 60 in a very few weeks. You don't stop being Irish. And I'm still --here.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

I can't sleep

It seems to me that a great deal of important things are happening and I can't do much about them. I can't change teenage angst and snottiness and pimples and fears, and you'd think with all the experience I have in that I could do something. But all I can do is keep the lid on, the roof up, the acne cleansers paid for and remind them I am proud and here for them----after I blow my lid, raise the roof and really scream--about the snottiness. I can't STAND the snottiness. Don't give me that "growing up and growing away to be independent blah blah blah" crap. They are rude. To each other, to us if under their breath and as they leave the room. I hate that. Probably because I DO have experience with it already. I'm tired of it already.

Okay--that is the stuff I'm worrying over under my own roof--now other things. I hate our voting system. It is unfair beyond belief. It has always been unfair as long as I have been alive. We no longer have our news delivered by horseback. Not even back when I was born. We even had TV back then! Why must we go by this horrid electoral college stuff! We have advanced! We have improved! We have telephones, TV and computers and internet and I think we could find a way to really do one person one vote! It is so unfair that Nebraska--because it is considered a Republican state will totallyignore my Democratic vote and all others and only a Republican will be voted for in November. Not FAIR! Not Free! NOT DEMOCRATIC!

But--I can do nothing but vote at the caucus--and I'm bringing cookies--vote in November despite the futility of it and hope my snotty teenagers will notice how important this is (really far more important than their fighting over what song is playing on the computer) and be involved and EVOLVED voters who will carry on trying to get a fair system in place for all voters! WE SHOULD ALL COUNT! WE SHOULD ALL MATTER! So I'm up late because it upsets me.

And--I've been given a job I can't do. I've worked at it and worked at it and everything I have done is wrong and I'm going to have to ask for help tomorrow and I feel badly and so I can't sleep.

I'm not sure of the order of all that but it all matters to me and it all makes me sleepless, and it's snowing here but little bits of green are sticking up on the sunny side of the house garden area--probably crocus and jonquils and tulips. It is 20 degrrees and Spring insists on sticking its nose up and breathing anyway. Thank God.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Happy VGLDSWD!

I'm told by my newsletter from Little Thurlow in England--a village --for real--that today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Women's Day. The motto to live by is: Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body throughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO" What a ride!"

Hmmm. I'm all for it --except for the part about seeminly abandoning the thought of having an attractive and well preserved body. I mean Clairol was not invented for kids you know. It was invented for me--and billions of women like me. I haven't the vaguest idea what color my hair would be without hair dye. I do know I have grey streaks at my temples and one lovely one like a skunk in the center--but I don't let them show more than a scant half inch--and not as long as I live. And I've sworn I'll go to my grave (actually cremation) with a bottle of dye in my hands and a note to the angels to please do a touch up. I don't want to meet my Saviour with my hair looking like hell. Uh--well. You know what I mean.

And my body. Well-- it's recently been thgough a great deal of stuff and is a mess at the moment but I'll fix it up somehow by the time I die. I mean--it will be well used and throughly worn out--but--I really don't want to look like an empty sack. Of course if I'm the age I've sworn to die--104--then the odds are against me on that and I may have to adjust to the reality of it. But that is 44 years from now. I've time.

I've still time to write another book or twelve and get published again, and probably raise a great grand kid or two--although I do believe my husband would leave me if I said yes again. This time--the grandchildren--it was his idea and I said yes of course--but he said never again. But 44 years--a lot can change.

I may even end up with my promise to myself to live by a lake and have a boat. I've got everything I ever wanted truly. I've 44 more years to get that. And then I'll skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, dye bottle in the other and scream "WOO HOO, what a ride!"

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Am I Really here?

I looked up my name on the internet--years ago--but I look it up again every now and then to find out how the other woman who has my name is doing. She is pretty big stuff in the Northwest. Government, Universities, Alumnae and so much more than me. I'm in the internet, don't get me wrong. You can get old copies of my books everywhere. But not GOVERNMENT or UNIVERSITIES or ALUMNAE or newspaper articles. I didn't graduate from college (truly my only regret in a life that ought to be full of regrets) and as an alumnae of Kimball County High School, well...that doesn't get in the press much. I'm involved in government. I never miss voting

Speaking of voting-- the Democratic caucus will be held soon. I want to go. I've never done it before. I'll be a Virgin caucus goer. I want my chance at the very beginning of it all. Since my one vote doesn't really help elect a President--I'd like my one vote to help elect the person who goes to the Convention and casts a vote for whomever my vote won't matter for in November. It may seem I won't matter here and now either, but I'll be closer than ever. I'm really looking forward to that.

Now I think of it --that other woman who has my name in the Northwest--her vote doesn't really count in the Presidential election any more than mine. I hope she goes to her local caucus. She'll really matter there.